Keep in mind.. I write a lot from my personal experiences and from my own observations. 🙁 Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and I respect that even though we may not agree… I just see a lot of people not considering the outcome of their choices and are infuriated when these things DO happen. I figured I would help out some, BECAUSE after all.. I have seen it firsthand.
(Note: This is also not relevant to every couple. This definitely excludes relationships involving physical abuse, verbal & emotional abuse, substance abuse, the death of a spouse, or adultery).
This is not in every circumstance, because I do understand and see that some spouses cannot help that their spouses have chosen to leave, but if you have the CHOICE, please consider these things before you leave……..
These are truly good & valid points and MOST people who divorce, never ever considered them until it was too late… 🙁
1- People change as they get older, so there is hope. Please be patient with your spouse. As we get older, we should mature and become better adults, growing in wisdom through our experiences in this life. If in this patience we continue to communicate lovingly, and are always looking at the best interest for our significant other, there IS hope for change!
So, what if I DO decide to throw in the towel?
2- Keep in mind that your spouse will eventually date again or remarry one day. Are you okay with that new person in their life parenting your children their own way? Let’s say there’s an issue that comes up, and they make a parenting choice which you would not have chosen. What will happen then?
3- You won’t have access to your kiddos whenever you want & how you want. 🙁 When you are alone, having that urge to speak to your young children to ask them about their day or to remind them how much you love them, HAULT! They may be at a family gathering of their dad’s new girlfriend, at the movie theater, in the middle of dinner, on vacation etc…. You will not just be able to show up or to talk to your children whenever you want and how you want. What will happen then?
4- Newsflash! Your children’s dad will never go away just because you get divorced. A lot of people think, “Oh, I just can’t wait to get away from _______ after the divorce is final.They’ll be gone forever, and I will finally be happy!”
Hang on a moment mom… There are school meetings to attend for your kids, graduation, ceremonies etc.. Oh and definitely a meeting when those grand babies start coming into the world! Everyone is there at the hospital together to see the baby! Guess who will be there? YEP. “HIM.” Never really got rid of them, huh? They are NEVER leaving for GOOD. That’s something we like to imagine…. So the next time you think about “getting them out for good”- Remember….they are never OUT FOR GOOD! What will happen then?
5- Your spouse will date or marry again. They will also, more than likely, do a better job in that relationship due to your leaving them. WHICH totally benefits the NEW mate. Oops. We divorce them in hopes for a revelation with us, but it BACKFIRES! What happens is they finally realize that they should have tried harder with you, but now they can’t. Therefore, they do their best this time around, so that they don’t experience divorce or heartache again. That second spouse gets all the goodies that you desired! 🙁 What will happen then? Especially, if you never find love again? : /
6- Your children’s new step-parent will one day be babysitting and snuggling on your grandchildren. You’re at the first birthday party, of your first grandchild, and their she is! …With her birthday gift, that is totally bigger than your gift, and she is all snuggle buggin’ with your grand baby.
Then, your child needs a babysitter, but no one is available. Not even you, because you are remarried now too, and have to go to a job that your new spouse needs to look at to consider working on. It is no place for the baby. Wait! Snuggle Buggin’ Step-mama is available! What will happen then? Is this a situation you don’t mind?
7- Divorce is expensive! Lawyer fees, oh my! It’s like buying a nicely used car! Why not save that money for some good ole’ counseling for yourself, so you don’t kill your spouse?! … I’ve been there! Try the counseling for yourself first, before you throw in the towel. You may find out so much about yourself AND the reasons why your spouse is the way they are or how you can cope with it! What will happen if you are broke and alone?! What then?
8- Your now ex-husband becomes terminally ill? Cancer…. This one breaks my heart. I have seen this stuff happen more than once! We never think things like this can happen, but they do! It’s so sad :(. What would happen if after you left your spouse, they became terminally ill with cancer? What if they only had 3-6 months to live? You want to help him, but you can’t… You are already remarried. All those emotions & memories come up (which is natural even when a friend so close to us has developed a terminally ill disease or who passes away). You think of the good times and you remember just how NOT-HORRIBLE he really was. He had his faults. He had his stupid choices, and now he’s dying. You want to help! You naturally want to console and be with him, because he is going through a very, very sad time! He was your spouse! You are a woman and you feel saddened that there is nothing that you can do now, because you are no longer there. Your kids are there for him, but even they need you right now too! They need your consolation and your touch mom!…. What will happen then? 🙁
All of this to say… IS it really worth divorcing over? Your not happy right now? What will happen when you aren’t happy about any of these situations above? (Something to think about)